Marriage ending

If you are married and you:

1. Meet a new person
2. Decide your marriage should suddenly be open
3. Start spending lots and lots of time with the new person
4. Completely disregard your spouse/partner and his or her feelings regarding your new open relationship
5. Talk about your new lover continuously to absolutely anyone will listen
6. Wonder why your spouse/partner has decided that the open relationship isn't working
7. Wonder why your marriage just ended
8. Decide that the new partner is the most fantastic and wonderful thing in the entire world, and clearly you were destined to be together ANYWAY....

then you MOST LIKELY are NOT POLYAMOROUS.

So do us all a favor. Rather than finding every poly-related discussion group on the entire internet and posting how you are so emphatically polyamorous now (and have been your entire life, you just realized!1!1), spare us the bullshit and continue being a serial monogamist quietly, just like you always have been. Trust me, we're going to make fun of you otherwise, so you might want to spare yourself as well.

Who Keeps the Kids?

Kids, especially young ones, present a challenge for polyamorous parents. Who keeps the baby while the other partner goes on a date? What if one partner takes on a new lover, and wants to be gone often because they're in the throws of limerance? The other partner is stuck at home, babysitting. Sometimes, this can be frustrating, especially if the other partner begins to feel like they *can't* date other people because they have to be at home with the child(ren). It is especially frustrating if the mother of the child is breastfeeding the child, because she might already feel like she can't really have a break.

Sometimes new parents who are poly feel like they fail at polyamory during their first year or so with their new baby.

Polyamory Fail

I don't really care how long you have been a self proclaimed polyamorist, there are still going to be things that you experience that are just as stupid as what a "new poly" person experiences. One thing I like to tell people who ask me about polyamory is that while yes, it does get easier to navigate the drama, each new person in your life (be they your newest lover, or a new lover of one of your existing partners) brings with them a whole new set of circumstances to figure out. You just think you have it all figured out until someone accidentally gets pregnant, or someone brings a lawsuit.

I'm really sick of the fluffy crap people say when they discuss polyamory. Yes, I think polyamory is superior to monogamy. I could write entire novels (and have considered doing so) about this. However, polyamory is not always easy, and it is not always fun. You won't see me talk about how perfect poly life is here. You also won't seem me teaching "poly101" here.

This blog is a no holds-barred blog about polyamory. I would love to give you poly advice. You can contact me at polyamoryfail@gmail.com and I'll post your questions and answers here. Do not necessarily expect me to be nice.